I keep asking myself the same question over and over again. "What do I want?" I used to know exactly what I wanted and I had made all the necessary changes to ensure the success of my goals. The funny thing about life is that it never turns out the way you think it will. Unexpected twists and turns happen all the time that leave you dumbfounded and confused. It's at the crossroads that we must decide to continue on the path we were originally walking or decide if it is time to take the detour and walk down the unknown path. I have learned a lot about God along my journey. I've learned a lot about myself, my family, and my friends. I walk alone on this new journey. It is easy for me to feel misunderstood and mistreated by those I felt would always understand me and always be there for me. I know all the promises of God in the Bible. Yet, I know that I am in a season of blind faith. It is a season of my life that I have never walked before, nor do I ever want to walk again. However, I find it strangely comforting to be on this journey of new discoveries without allowing the interruptions of other people's expectations and thoughts about what I should or could be doing to guide me. Those times when I feel most alone and isolated from the world around me is when I depend upon God and my faith in Him the most.
Never underestimate the power of change. I always claimed to enjoy change, I thrived on it. Change has a strange way of throwing you completely off balance and out of sync with your life and priorities. Change is a good thing. I look back at my hopes and dreams from the past and wonder what I was thinking, and why I wanted those things so badly. It is God's overriding plan that takes us from the mundane, easy to explain type of life to the extraordinary kind of life. It takes tragedy and pain to mold us, shape us, and prepare us for the bigger picture that has yet to be revealed.
Do you ever get tired? Tired of the choices you've made? Tired of the same old same old? Do you ever feel exhausted by the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you ever get tired of always having good intentions but never being able to follow through on them?
I've decided to give up everything. I've decided I am tired of settling. I've decided I'm tired of running from my pain, problems, and rejections. I've decided that I want more.
Let's get rid of the good intentions and replace them with action. You say you want to experience God, then let's experience Him through spending time with Him daily. You say you want to obey Him, then do it! I say I want more of Him and less of me, then mean it, live it! Discipleship and the path to righteousness and holiness is never easy. If its not difficult, its not worth fighting for. Live for blind faith and be surprised by what you find!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:4-5
" He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Your rod and your staff, they comfort me." Psalms 23:3-4
